A little from Myspace....

So yeah....here's what I posted on my myspace last night, and thought I'd post it here as well cause I'm bored as hell right now.



"About five minutes ago, it just hit me that I truely know what I want to do with my life. I know more than anything that I want to go to Moorpark for their EATM program (Exotic Animal Training and Managment) but I can't even apply for another two years. I CAN'T wait that long!! I want to get the hell out of here now!! I wanna go to that school, I wanna move to California to go to that school, and I swear, I will do ANYTHING to go there. But there's only about a 50/50 chance that I'll get in, but I can guarentee I want it more than anyone right now! After checking out their myspace page and seeing what people do there, it just hit me that I want to be doing that kinda stuff NOW!!! I'm tired of high school, and I wanan get going in my life. I hate being stuck here, and I hate that I'll be going to ECC for two years before I can even apply for Moorpark.

Plus another thing is that my mom is so paranoid about me going!! I mean, I can understand why, it's in California and I'd be living in an apartment because they don't have dorms there, but I don't care. I'd rather live in an apartment because I think I can handle it. But also m y mo wants me to get a roommate, but I don't want a roommate. I want to learn to be independant, and I wanna go to Moorpark by myself, so I can know what to expect. I'm not gonna have a roommate in life until I get married, and I can guarentee that won't be for awhile.

God....I'm gett so anxious about it! I know my senior year has been flying by, but two years is too long of time to wait! I want so desperately to start my college career, cause that means that I'll be doing what I love that much sooner! I know I'm suppose to enjoy my senior year, and don't get me wrong, I am...it's just that I'm looking forward to college so much more. I know I hate homework and I hate studying, but I will do anything to get into Moorpark!! I see all these pictures of students who go there and are part of the EATM team, and I get so envious!! I want to go there and work with animals like I have always wanted my WHOLE life. Ever since I was 5, I knew I was suppose to do something with animals, because they truely are my passion! I know I have writing as well, and people are always telling me to give up the animal thing and persue my writing, but I just can't! I'm so dedicated to animals and I can't just give it up!

I will do ANYTHING I can to get into Moorpark, but I'm terrified that I won't get in. I mean.....I have no backup plan. I don't wannt be stuck at NIU because there's nothing I want there. Yes, it's a good school and if I were to go, I'd be with alot of my friends, but I don't wanna go there. I wanna go to Moorpark, but something keeps eating at me...saying that it's not gonna happen.
I know this is what I wanna do in life and I want to do it NOW!!!! Like I said before, I don't like being stuck here. There's NOTHING for me here. There's no reason to stay, except for my family. I mean yeah, I'll miss my friends, but they're gonan be going off, doing their own thing at places where they can do their things, but not me. The only thing close to animals we have here is 4A...and Hampshire doesn't even have that! They have FFA, and I don't even plan on becoming a Furture Farmer, so that doesn't help me any! And if I were to persue writing, the only thing we have here is journalism, and I'm not into that. I tell stories, not report the news. I have an imagination, and I use it! There's nothing in Hampshire, yet I'm stuck here for another yew years...and it's not even guarenteed that I"ll be going to Moorpark. If not, then what then? Like I said, I have no backup plan, and this is the only thing I have set in my mind.

God, I don't know what to do. I feel empty being here, and I wanna go out and start my life already...and I know Moorpark is the start of it!"